Plot twists, nyeah.
Tuesday, April 8, 2003
The city's a small world in that people know each other through associations and close friends. Like Ashley - in my current english class, me and her just happen to have gone to a play friday night and we just happen to know the same people because 1) She had ballet/ dance class with them and 2) I had french classes with the same individuals for a certain amount of years. Another is Sarabeth - My current on and off weight training partner and mentor, she just happen to be friends with a lady named Charity, who back in the days used to be in the same self-defense class that me and my sister were in and she's friends with my sister even to this day. Along with the Sarabeth chain is bigbrother Vince, whom I met through my sister and who was the individual that I could look up to and chill with during the weekday nights during senior year for wise words and critiques on the difficulty of women. Sarabeth knows Vince since she went to the same school with him -she called him "Little Vinnie" so most likely we know the same person, 100%. Along with this chain is Cory, who is somewhat of the Zoolander Hansel figure in my eyes who is pimpin in every way, eassh the man just has a presence. Cory is a close friend with Vince and a while back we'd go to late night snacks with me being my sister's "little brother" and chillin with the older crowd. They're cool though, they're open to my views, the gaps only 4-5 years. But yeah, suprisingly, Sarabeth also knows Vince's close friends and was once Cory's ex-girlfriend, which was a big suprise and a crazy twist.
This concludes that even if I am in different college and barely or rarely see any familiar faces from the past, the old days can still catch you and also catch up to you for recollection. This also gives the feeling of having a slight guard up, your words can be used even if it is on friendly fire - words can get passed around and interpreted incorrectly and in this community where everyone most likely have known each other from the past or from someone, you can get a bad vibe right away from assumptions and distorted information. Hah, it's paranoia KP talking, but honestly it has occured to me before and even if it's a positive word out in the open, it still doesn't explain your true personality - it's full of mixed information and exaggeration.
Slight disappointment that I should've gone somewhere farther for education, to start from scratch with new individuals, I can't really take the past that well in my system, it was mostly traumatizing or embarrasing, tch tch. But by being with people whom you know and you will know eventually, the environments more comfortable and you'd be able to have support even when you least expect it. Connections, acquaintances or just friends from close distances, I guess it's not that bad.

That's right! make me a sandwich.
Monday, April 7, 2003
Weekend felt weird in that I felt more of a log, lacking any form of movement and being just a solid matter in a corner...just there...on a specific spot...being lazy. Even though pressure seems to work out better for assignments, I shouldn't even make a habit out of it - in the years ahead, such acts would lead to just plain disappoinment.
Hmm.. but yeah saturday was supposed to be the day for cars and booty but yeah the ticket price was uh.. "pricy" and my other comrade was beat from a dj battle he took part in the other night. I'm still an urban virgin and I still haven't gotten to get in touch with the whole vibe and scene. I plan to go to mixing sessions and small crowd concerts held by lyrical artists later on - at the moment I'm broke like hell and yeah the ticket price deal ish and also my vehicular transportation lacks power for uphill pavements (S.F.) , still I dig that car - it's a car.
Other than that, same o stuff. Good times ahead hombre, gooood times.

Yeah...
Thursday, April 3, 2003
It's not that it's giving up - it's not even about giving up, s'just that it already ended, I got what I've been asking for a while. So yeah... that's that.
Je suis un peu content. J'ai oublie - elle est tres age que moi. C'est tout... Je suis triste et en realite je voudrais pleurer parce que elle est difficile atteindre - il n'a pas un chance. Je suis un peu content, un peu.. un peu. Mais, c'est la vie... je souhaite que je vais etre heureux et content bientot.
C'est tout...

Lazy bum who got locked out.
Wednesday, April 2, 2003
8 in the morning I got myself locked out of my car on the third floor in the 4th street garage. I felt helpless like a school girl and I was actually tempted to crack the window with my elbow and face the consequence of whatever that will create. Luckily with a tinch of magic I actually brainstormed in a small amount of time as I knew that time was getting close to class time and I needed to be there to turn in work. So... I went to the University police and they were kind enough to lend a hand - they had some thin metal rod that went through my door thus opening my locks in a matter of seconds. So fast that when they were asking me to sign in my name on a 3 x 5 card for verification, I was barely writing my name when they were already done unlocking the car. They were good popos, huuwwwow.
Now on to things that I usually talk about, mostly women, the semi gloomy days of my views, abstract perspectives and so on...
Hmm.. I can't really think of anything that I'd like to openly write about - women are ladies never goddesses as that will only cause a misunderstanding as to who's better when in reality THERE is no ONE and each should be an equal. The hopeless romantic bit still lingers on in this oldman's views and although it is quite annoying it's actually a good thing in that this gives the possibility of anything happening rather than living off as a workaholic. On that thing, a workaholic at heart, I'm lazy as hell at the moment but when I do get to do things I realize I tend to abandon social contact for the sake of work, eassh that's just sad really.
Well that whole thing was obviously just an excuse to type something and also pass my time in the Student Union but they're true in their word. I'm gonna jet, I gotta do actual work.

Urban Development: Zebra on Haight
Saturday, March 29, 2003
I felt cultured today as I got to see another glimpse of the urban hip hop life genre. Although it took the whole day, the dj battle in frisco was worth the humid atmosphere and hunger pains. Looking at these turntablists makes me realize they have a code within themselves that each one keeps and they have a lingo that once you understand you'll feel well connected. Scratching may not be a type of form to many but it's incredible how each individual within a room of a scratch session get hypnotized and have an accord of bopping heads because they understand which beat to bop to and which trick to go in awe or disbelief. Although you don't notice it, I give props to my grandmaster G, you motivate me more than what you think, thanks my goodman.
People that stood out today: LA competitor DJ Phonics, SJ DJ GTEK of course, veteran DJ Tico and some friendly faces. I feel at ease being in this atmosphere, diggable vibes and good rivarly between people's hard to find.
This trip made me alive again, eassh I just needed fresh air I guess.

Hey J, I'll take you Amoeba Records sometime slash someday. It's a haven for cd shopping.

Long days ahead for me...
Friday, March 28, 2003
It's been a tiring day, i don't know why I'm semi moody but I'm really beat and even if it's breaktime I'd like to have some time to study. Wow, I'm actually amazed that I've been out in most of the week, in honesty I've been home entirely for two days out of the 7 days so far and there's three more rest days ahead or will it be so called rest days eh?. More social adventures but my bod's getting sick and sniffly - I'm getting the colds bro.
Heh. So ... I'm here online at the moment, trying to place myself to sleep through this typing. My body's beat but you know you get that thing where your mind's still awake somehow.
My hunch felt close but it wasn't as negative as I thought - surely it is purely paranoia now. I'm completely alone in how to relate my feelings. I'm off.

Happy no desu...
Friday, March 28, 2003
Yeah... it was good to recollect on old and recent events ey J? Good times, good times for the bsb 4 evah. Heh.

Sigh... what should I do...
Wednesday, March 26, 2003
Tch.. heh. sigh...
Aside from being restless and having the time of my life - meaning having time itself in my life, I've been feeling odd lately. For one thing, my hesitation and fear - insecurity as you may call it - it's neither present or even away.
There's things that I just can't understand and really come to grips, tch, heh. I've become less of an outsider as I've been feeling in the past, it's good but the result is an individual who is more outspoken. Good thing is that I've become less shy of a person and take things through my perpective and actually take action. Bad ish is that I felt that it's not really the appropriate result that I wanted. The sudden outbursts of immaturity or just the plain stupidity doesn't relate to the fact that I've been in verbal slumber and that the constant expression in the present times are the things that make up for what's been sleeping for a long time. I can understand the reason of being more outspoken than the usual past but the whole stupidity issue just bothers me to the core. And even knowing it doesn't do a thing. Honestly I do need guidance... someone.
What I really wanted was a persona where I was still calm and also outspoken - to still keep the shyness that I honestly enjoyed as a trait. Lately I just feel really confused and frustrated. Sigh... reason to be more into pushing people - NO HATE in anyone - I just need some time alone. But I do.. need guidance.
Again I guess... I need some time alone. Whether you understand it or not as to why I've been having such constant times of isolation, there's no hurt in anyone, I just want to find an answer. Melodramatic yes, but it's my honest answer and current thought.
Acoustic Guitar instrumentals relieve me of my misery.

Tch. And I tell myself I'm old, hah, bunch o crap I am.
Sigh..., the things that occur when you're immature.
I don't even know why but I was enjoying the company the other night when I noticed that my attitude wasn't really being realistic and more ...uhm bopper like!? and well duhhr immature. Can't help that these weird things come out but it sucks ass that I wasn't myself. Seeing that these kids are mature they probably didn't realize but hey.. if they did, there's always the next meeting.

Break of many springs.
Tuesday, March 25, 2003
The days have been well. Lack of sleep and not from studying but from enjoying the outdoors. That's preferrable compared to lack of sleep because of education. Funds are still intact, gotta make sure I still have some to spend for this week.
MOOD: well.

It's been 5 years...
Saturday, March 22, 2003
Being back in that environment was somewhat nostalgic and also semi-depressing. Still in that association are the head instructors, eager devoted parents and of course NextGen. There's still the "cool kids" - people who train and have the upper hand mentallity that they can do anything, which is somewhat pretty sad. Props to the few who can pull off things in that brand, you have something to show off indeed.

I was suprised to see old faces come back to still be part of the old cast. I guess within those years that I went away, things massively changed. My old team, the people who stayed are either the new batch or part of NextGen itself. That's actually good to see and hear - they've gone way beyond the common things required to be there.
I'm relieved that I actually left the whole association. Aside from the funds they took out during my whole time training, IT was time to leave. I guess the accident wasn't by accident at all - more of a sign. I noticed though that being within the association as years go by makes you notice your own skills and well.. people have become rather unfriendly or just blunty say conceited. If I continued on beyond the 540 and went off pulling off more tricks then I too would've gone hard-headed and continued training and be surrounded by the negative vibe.

Heh, the people get younger and younger - by the time they're on their 3rd they all would've been experts at the age of 15 or even 12. my old team members have grown up as well and coming close to my height. I guess my growth spurt has begun to slowly stop while there's just starting. In honesty I did have the cool kid attitude and I still linger on in things that can be possible - the ability to pull of tricks, to be a better competitor, etc. The years that I've been out made me realize things that maybe some of the people within the association haven't come to grips yet and I'm happy that I AM off the association.
5 years is a short time span when you enjoy life - I did. Within those five years the association became more lenient, the instructors either went on with their own lives or continued within the schools, the old team survivors became the front line, old idols became instructors themselves and the crowd became more parental and less teenage related since younger people are getting into it more than adults.

I haven't trained in 5 years, haven't done a worthwhile sparring match in ages, my skills are rusty but effective and I can't jump as high as I did back then. But that's what happens, it's in my part to train beyond the schools' normal training hours and days. I still train on and off on my own - brings back old school days remembering old techs and moves.
That night, someone mentioned that I was one of the good ones that trained back then. That's good to hear but since it's a long time ago why cling to a title, eh? Glad that I was once good but that isn't my entire world. I actually feel sad that really, no kid, that some people base their experience within that structure as being the best or one of the best. I decided to let people take over past records and go on - the title's just a momentary victory so why cling to old times. It was a good experience being there though.
That environment made me feel old and somewhat outdated - I was surely done from the association now, no debates there and I'm glad.

Friday chill-in.
Friday, March 21, 2003
Chilling in my homble aboad on a friday night - I gave up on the whole issue of the "why are you home" method of life, I'm happy home and being tired from whatever I've done these couple of weeks - ha spring break, more sleeping.
I finally managed to get a picture of the unattainable Yuka, can't wait to develop - hope it turns out sick.
Other than that, feeling restless lately - tons of work and also some social activities for the break ahead.
Final note: The lady Jennise Fernando's hot. It's good to recollect on old things again, ey J.A.? Nothing philosophical or anything to ramble about, I've been tired lately and I need to catch up on my sleep.
I've got a bad vibe coming up ahead, it's gonna deal socially most likely - I'm somewhat scared since it's a strong feeling.