Clap clap for the handicap
Saturday, November 30, 2002 02:21 p.m.
So much to learn, so many times to learn.
F my past ideas and assumptions, taha, so much to learn... yep, so much to learn.

_ _ _ _ _.
Wednesday, November 27, 2002 09:09 p.m.
Enjoyment in the simplest things. yep.

Oh my. Starry Eyed Suprise. Yes suh.
Sunday, November 24, 2002 10:02 a.m.
haha, a 4-day weekend that I didn't expect
Th/ Gathering with massive balls
F/ Admiring a close friend, a meaningful conversation
S/ 3-9p.m.: Downtown with pizza and random walking
S-Su/10-2a.m.: Movie night/morning

Tch tch, KL you never learn
Saturday, November 23, 2002 12:43 a.m.
THE TINGLES THAT MEAN ADMIRATION, NOT ATTRACTION
6:30-9:12, a conversation that was meaningful, informative and honestly... motivational.
An old friend came to visit the city. Her and I managed to catch up on what's been happening lately. The night was mostly taken with her story, which was good. I had no story or anything interesting to tell. I just hoped that she enjoyed my company. There wasn't any need though. She talked about her current situation and her current struggles. Although they were edgy and extremely stressful she seemed detached or should I say relaxed and didn't show form of any weakness which made me look up to her rather than look her in another way. Her words and expressions were strong, her beauty equals that (gotta of course say that) and she still had the sense of innocence not in a literal sense but being original than being overtaken by people that live around her life. She was the one that explained to me that even quiet moments between people are conversations within the situation, although i felt somewhat weird being around her at those moments, she had a comforting feeling which took off the uneasiness. She doesn't give off a sibling feeling either, just a strong vibe - she knows what she's doing in life, she's no quitter and she doesn't back down. Just listening to her was nice - the experiences that she felt made me realize what I can do and what I do at the present moment. Truly independent, I admire her wholeheartedly. Never has anyone taken an effect on me in a way that it doesn't deal with attraction. She takes on the beating but never falters, excuse all these odd descriptions but she just... I dunno she just got to me.
THE FAULT AND HONESTLY A DAMN EMBARRASSMENT IN ME
sad thing after that friday was that I realized that I immediately assume things on any opposite sex that approaches me and talks to me for a conversation, whether hobbies or classes, I take it as "whoa" she's digging me in a sort of vibe, and plainly honestly, it's sad how I've been acting like that. Good thing I finally noticed it.

Miscellaneous words: young'un, park, false, cheesy bread, cloudy night.

DoA and those damn jumblies!!
Monday, November 18, 2002 09:20 p.m.
Wanna see the signs of my intelligence slowly going away?
my friend told me that his Argumentation essay topic was about "dramatic deaths". Me being weird in imagination pictured how I would die in a dramatic death, falling off a cliff or more of a business building, me facing the sky falling, seeing a flock of birds scatter, feathers falling along with me, an explosion coming off from where I blew off from and me holding guns in both hands, still shooting even though they're all out of bullets. All in SLOW MOTION. TadddaWWW!!! dRamatic death, BOo-Yah!!!
The subject was serious, it related to the suicide bombings and me being stupid, mentioned my dream first and made a complete 2 minute silence moment between me and him. hahaha, yep, clap clap, just great
WATCHING TELEVISION
I realized on the show Dragonball Z, they never collected dragon balls as a main part of the story, completely weird now and the fighting sequences take so much time, especially the fireballs, so long that a slap in the head can occur if you see them in reality charging a fireball.
Yep, clap clap, no life for me. HAHAHHAHA.. tear.
LISTENING TO MUSIC
Ludacris ft. Trina - B R Right
...want my ass smacked, Legs wide, Front back, Side to Side, Blank blank (p---y wet), slip n slide yup gonna be alright.
Trina: Tell me that you love me baby
And get high and fuck me crazy
Get a towel and wipe me off
You want a bitch with no type of flaws

2 Live Crew - Too Much Booty in the Pants
the whole song just keeps on saying
Dance! too much booty in the pants!
Dance! too much booty in the pants!
Dance! too much booty in the pants!
Dance! too much booty in the pants!

Tch tch, education at its best, clap clap.

Girls, girls, girls. Girls I do adore.
Thursday, November 14, 2002 09:16 p.m.
Afternoon was great - got a smile from the lady that I've had a distant crush on in one of my classes(eash man my giddiness and her smile, it's IMMACULATE, haha - been using that word on anything like buttah!!) and I saw her again... - the ROTC girl while waiting for the 3:00 class to begin. Obviously she's in ROTC with the work out clothing she has which read ROTC and the fact that this week I saw lots of those people walking around school. They've been gone for quite a while and I guess they made a comeback.
She's an attractive lady, reality's a killer knowing that I don't flat out have a chance or even the power to have that gutsy attitude that I had with the elusive AMy in the park and ride. Glad that she existed and was never a figment of my imagination.
Oh yeah I've been getting these emails for about three weeks of a supposed secret admirer, flattering at first but actually it's probably some f ' ed up fool who wants to see how desperate I can be. Thanks to a close friend, she made me realize that it can be just a joke, if she hadn't told me that then I, the poor innocent bystander, would get caught in the lies of this supposed admirer. If it is true, there's the straight somewhat forward way of talking to me, other than that, it's horseshit.

There's nothing new really, come to think about it, there's never been anything new. heh. enjoying life.
ZERO 7 - Destiny (nice.)

Pantsu, pantsu. Pantsu! Kudasai!! - I'm out of it.
Tuesday, November 12, 2002 07:40 p.m.
What has happened so far:
Th - night out/ F - THE RING!!!
S - Krispie Kreme/ Su - night driving
Ahh yess those are my current accomplishments in trying my best to get out of my imaginary shell, ahh good times, good times.
So far the cold ass weather has given me the flu and a fever, the vehicular mode of choice is coughing and making me scared and finally subjects in all areas has assigned me projects that will take extreme discipline because I know I will get the feeling of half assing in the days to come.
No news really and the occasional downpour of depression's at a distance for the moment because things are occupying me, better to be busy than to have time to think. Bad, thinking's bad.
Hew..wwookay getting a headache now with the runny nose - tch sick as a mofo, argh.

That's how it is... tch. yep.
Friday, November 8, 2002 12:35 a.m.
Hmm.. oh ha, it's friday in the wee morning, still, it's still about thursday.
Productive? 1/4 of deadline for 11/11/02, art 24, 1 1/2 hrs. at the pool tables, $3 movie, "socialability" - word of that day.
Heh, been thinking; there's really no point in whatever I'm planning in my head (relationship, attitude, vibe) and obviously, it's not me. Wake up call I guess. I'm just looking for trouble if I keep it up. "g'head sir, I'll get out of the way".

That's how it is...tch. yep.

Surprised? Nahhhh.
Wednesday, November 6, 2002 02:47 p.m.
Heh.
I'm not alarmed, honestly it's actually all good.
It's not had with a D but has with an S so "she HAS a...

The tingles are gone.

S'been a while since I wrote useless junk.
Monday, November 4, 2002 04:47 p.m.
Like what the time says, it's 4 ish in the afternoon, I should be doing some work, or atleast be sleeping to make this "time" not a waste. Man. the tingles are gone.
Hmm.. so.. what's new lately in this self-absorbed individual with a knack of being infatuated easily to any opposite sex? hM... nothing new. tahah ehe hehe. heh. (dot dot).
Hmm.. so far from what I've observed (readings man, the readings) and from what I've seen (actions man, and attitudes), seems like everyone has moved on from the old cob webbed string of past memories, which is good. What the obstacle that faces each one however now is how they react to people they don't know and how they can be what they would call "themselves". Didn't realize this or well I did but never really flat out admit, that most of the time back in the days each one fed off each other's vibe making them complete whether they were the loner, the crowd or the center. Because it's such a small community, no one felt really really isolated as one experiences now in college. Tch eash I sound like one o them motivational journalists that in a few sentences will I conclude how to deal with the current isolation each one of us has. WEll I won't, it's pretty much a different situation in each scenario so no one's alike in their problems, it's all in them and (duhr in me of course) to take action.
Well since there isn't really anything to do at the moment, I will continue on with the wisdomishitiwords. niiice.
In the attitude note I noticed the people that I still see and recognize have changed into either being more of a sick ass mofo in a way that they're cool in their own way or the punk ass for some reason try to be all that other wise known as being fake or a poser. The first change was good, the second one (the poser change) somewhat hit me. Why would they all change that fast or should I say let the immaturity take the whole personality away? Everyone's immature but them people that I've seen recently... the vibe wasn't good and you know for sure they're more than that and are better individuals if they were themselves. It's the crowd and the environment, it sucks really.. I can't relate to them anymore. If that's that then I guess the communication will be in the gutters fast.
LAST NOTE/ conclusion and miscellaneous words that I will only understand.

rush, lifeless, poodle time was speechless, singru (ingrish), lonely walks and nagoya.

I'm hungry.. for LOVE, HAHAHAHHA tacky TACKY!!!!
Friday, November 1, 2002 10:43 p.m.
ARgghh, one sided fool I am. There's plenty of options to go to one place, many choices.. many many choices. Tingles bro, the tingles.

Results of the 20-Day no Lady
Monday, October 28, 2002 08:57 p.m.
The 20day-no lady was an inner challenge for me to lessen my pessimistic views on life with the relation of having no one to hold or think about in this simple present time. I managed to hold back or should I say occupy myself with lighter perspective of life from talking about good encounters with women, new women in my life and new women acquaintances and also doing work. Here were the slight downers during the 20 day periods:
1- saw the girl from orientation two weeks ago and now she's an ROTC student, somewhat intimidating, and just sad, I know I'll never see her again, but it's all good, just seeing her that day was good.
2- I never really saw the AMy from the park and ride, the moment where I was ballsy to walk up and ask her, is now nothing since I never saw her after that day, it's all good though.
3- Santa Cruz is a tough road to handle and realistically i won't be able to see a close friend that i've been trying to get a hold of. She's a great person.
I occupied myself with work and a small touch of social life and I managed to meet people to have a lighter view on life. Honestly to be committed is a hassle, more percentages on being on the rocks is at hand rather than having a lovey dovey union. Mostly on my part of half assing and not able to commit, I'm lonely but i'd rather just mingle and play it off rather than rush and assume like past mistakes and immature actions. So it's all good now, life's simple.
For some reason people are against the fact that life is better without the past, of course I think about the past. I somewhat think I've moved on from it and I'm happy that I'm away from people that I care and despise, it's sounds harsh but the combined freedom and the feeling of being a hermit somewhat collided these past days. I feel comfortable honestly, at times I do get somewhat down but I wouldn't change my scenario of my current position. Things are just starting I'll just say that. I won't really hope for anything, just the present's good enough for me. I feel that I've somewhat given up on life but it's in a positive way. I'm just not gonna deal with tomorrow now, cliche and melodramatic, there's no point really. So life's good. honestly.
Achievements were meeting ladies, befriending homies, becoming somewhat more aggresive in actions and being more outgoing, understanding isolation in a good way and letting go.