pointless entry.
Turkey day weekend - lounging around the house and procrastinating as usual due to being occupied with non-productive activities and a $50 ps2 game, oh good times indeed.
Don't worry this won't be a sappy or over dramatic entry, I've had enough these couple of weeks and yeap I'd prefer to just keep it on the DL rather than ask for net sympathy. But yeah all is good, so good that I will make a comparison of a recent discovery which I've encountered a few days ago.
Crazy Horse(8/03) vs. Centerfolds(11/03):
- ladies in CH are much more active and attractive
- CH has a rowdier atmosphere
- C has a lounge like attitude though, pretty comfortable
- C has also good deals on couples, $20 a couple in comparison to a regular admission of $25 for each of us in CH, but it's all worth it in CH.
- So overall I prefer CH, there's a special secret which many places like it can't compare.

For the curious and for the uninformed, I just discussed the differences of two different gentlemen's club. Yeaaap, new experiences people, new experiences. It's not that I go there solo, it's always with a few good friends to have fun and get rowdy with. So good times indeed once again with tiggobitties at the side.

School's coming to a close and all I can say is that I wish I can get the persuasion speech over. Having somewhat half the confidence now, I hope I get all of it by monday so I can get psyched and show more effort in my work unlike the half-assed shows that I've been giving in the past months. Other than that, life's simple and I wish I can just chill and go snowboarding for the break... at someone's expense being me a broke college student (haha).
I'm out of ideas and new developments, I'll go more into it by this weekend or probably later on eventually
Have a good one.

kenniving.pitas.com
Saturday, November 29, 2003
04:31 p.m.

It's true

Love overrules logic,
reverence often transcends reason
and emotion frequently contradicts evidence.

kenniving.pitas.com
Sunday, November 16, 2003

Not surprised.
I apologize for the last entry since it had constant ish and cursing, s'just an interesting day that was, full of horsecrap and obsurdities that all of us go through, like I said, I can't hate them, that's how they are so I'll let them be.

Hmmm.... she's the perfect girlfriend, just not mines.
A current thought running in my head. I'll make this sappy entry short going straight to the point while at the same time still keep the surface-like ambiguous words that I do.
So yeah, she's perfect, not mines. It blows how all of us are inclined to be curious at any situation that would endanger ourselves physically or mentally or both. In my case, it's in the mental section, the emotion department. I can't do anything obviously since its already laid out and time is not a source at all for support. And honestly it is my fault for not doing anything in the past, yah, so no kudos to me, it's just horrible. But yeah, even if we didn't end up in the present time, I feel somewhat mad that she'd take such an action after just recooperating from a past scar. It's half and half: I'm caring for her emotional safety and how she's in a new relationship and the other half is that I feel bad that I wasn't there back then... that I wasn't him now.
But yeah seeing that chances happen in the most random times, I can't think any negative vibes on her safety and our past: she's independent and more stable as I'll ever be and I know that if she can go on, I too as well. I guess I just have to wish her the best!?

So I'll just close this entry by saying that although I'm miserable as fuck at the moment for getting these old things resurfaced once again due to accidental reasons, I am glad that these things are happening - the solid truth, the solid reaction that I'm feeling and the emotional butt hurt that i'm going through; shows that I'm not hiding my true skin in this subject of the past.

sigh...that's how it goes

kenniving.pitas.com
Sunday, November 16, 2003

SIMPLE DAY my ASS
The rest of the day was relaxing and all that lounging about in the life of the college student BUT the morning was out of my mind frame and out of my usual sites and routines.
GOING TO SCHOOL, I drove from home to Hedding St. then turned left onto 10th. While there, a seagull hovered quite low in front of my car. I ALMOST KILLED that damn bird, swear it hovered in front of my car just around the front bumper and trying to swerve off, the bird itself shifted on my left side and its WINGS GOT CAUGHT ON MY LEFT TIRE WHILE I WAS DRIVING, CRAZY ISH. It managed to get away, I was grateful that I was actually awake - if I weren't then I could've just went along with my normal driving speed and run over the damn annoying ass bird. SO yeah that's just SURPRISE no. 1.

I ENTERED the Martin Luther King Jr. Library and decided to spend the hour before class to cram my ass off in the Meteorology test. I went to the 3rd floor where the public computers were at. What do you know, some dude was looking at porn, at fucking 8 in the morning!? Honestly have some decency and go home with even your slow browser and wank away. BUT NOTE, this is just the semi surprise of SURPRISE no.2. The real deal came on to the unlikely views that the windows provide for every student. Going to a corner table I looked to my right onto the window and I swear, no lies, behind this huge tree was this somewhat unusual guy. THE MAN WAS MAKING GIRATIONS on the tree, IT LOOKED LIKE HE WAS DOING SOMETHING TO THE TREE and the fact that the normal person along that area can't see his position it was clear that he was in that spot for a particular reason. GIRATIONS and TWITCHING, eassh man. THE SURPRISE of that was that action and plus after trying to shift into cramming mode, I slightly looked back out to the window and there he was done with his funky action and walking like nothing happened - the clincher was he looked like a HELPLESS fool, like you wouldn't suspect a person like him would perform such a thing. Just imagine an 80 yr. old doing acrobatic stunts - that unusual. Freaking A.

FINALLY the CLIMAX of the SURPRISE sessions came around my second trip after my morning classes were over - estimating at around 12. GOING back to the same area to use the computer for my essay I saw something pretty disturbing and downright vulgar. I'm not surprised to know that the Martin Luther King Jr. Library's fast connections are also used for adult purposes, aka PORN surfing. But yeah THE CLINCHER OF THIS SURPRISE no. 3 was that at Noon, these things are occuring: 1) Occassional porn fiends 2) Actual students using the computer 3) Lack of an open computer port to use and 4) an extreme amount of people studying in these peak hours. The thing is was that i saw this person looking at porn, funky porn.
The man was pretty much in the center rows of the computer area and anyone can just easily peek and see his dumbass mind. The CLINCHER: he was a fuckin PEDOPHILE, grossed the fuck out of me. IMAGES of a young boy, eeacchhhkkk, it's fucking gross people. This fool had no concern of his status; noontime surrounded by masses of people, mostly students for that matter and the fact that his lewd sexual interests are being shown to us is just DAMN WRONG. EACCCK.
SO yeah it's freaking amazing how half of my day turned out. Incredibly traumatizing, ALL OF THEM (particularly scene 3) and I'm extremely grateful that I am nowhere an animal killer, a girating fool in the most weirdest places and finally a pedophile.
Aside from being disgusted I did laugh my ass off seeing that I would never have these situations as part of my normal life routine, hope this is the last, shit. So... guess this was an interesting day afterall.

kenniving.pitas.com
Thursday, November 13, 2003

What can I really say
Last night's event made my head lighter, with lesser weights from common and personal stressors. I need to start to frequent events and probably check out local poetry slams just for the feeling of relaxation and escape.
Old faces were there... and you know me in the topic of the past, increasingly dreadful, heh. Sad but true. I sat within my current peers and while alongside with them I observed solely on the proxemics and kinesics that they oldschoolers showed througout the night. Granted that the showcase wasn't really a locally known event, people should still be respectful or atleast keep their negative vibes in the DL. Pretty much that wasn't the case for the old acquaintances and it pretty much blows how I still have those lingering attachments with them. Glad that by seeing these things I'm slowly getting off their track even though most likely I'll see them around in the most peculiar places just because it's a small world.

I don't know, I just dig the whole phrase of "never looking back". The ability to leave things behind for the sake of starting anew. What really is a pain is the actual reality bites of seeing them whether I emotionally detach them or not because SURELY, no matter how far you are, you will be introduced or reintroduced to them no matter what - s'just an odd thing how this cycle never ends.
Even so, I still don't mind leaving old things behind. New locale, identity, experimentations, insight and knowledge, I really feel at ease more than how I was back a few months and years ago. Of course being still a teenager, why stress on things on leaving things behind when most of my life's been spent going to school. Aside from school acquaintances there are people outside of that in which I wish to depart or just atleast slowly drift away. I won't give off a cold shoulder - all I'll do is simply go amongst the crowds, yah?

Last night was still good no matter how much I'm ranting about now. The fact that people have separate identities and aren't restricted to conformity's just a good vibe all in all (well not for some and I'm being as neutral as possible but maaan, they just didn't give emotional support to the crowd). People have come up a long way, and ironically it's the olden folks who have gone up and solidified their status - makes me cry, haha, parental cry that is.
In terms of the negative vibe, of course they didn't blatanly show strong outbursts of hate and so forth (well one did) but like I said, it was in their proxemics and kinesics aka body and personal space movement.
People know that a person's lying based on their emotional status and physical stances. Hopefully many can relate to this in that in some and most cases people tend to show the opposite quality regardless if their really passionate about their current attitude. Going beyond the boundaries of second guessing one's emotion, you can feel their vibe as if they're expressing it solely on you and you can then determine if they're really strong of their emotions in that time and moment.
I don't know, I won't go further on that.

So pretty much it's been a workload of ish, can't wait to fully lay back and sleep non-stop. Nothing new in this department, I'll get back with some positive vibes and outlets when I discover one these days.

kenniving.pitas.com
Wednesday, November 12, 2003

A thoroughly engrossing film.

" The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."

- Keyser Soze / Usual Suspects.

kenniving.pitas.com
Saturday, October 4, 2003
05:17 p.m.