I have to go back to the mainland sooner or later
Hmmm. I honestly thought that I'd be off here for a while but the urge to just use this as an outlet can't be denied. It's a good way to unclutter mess in one's head, if those are even real words. Heh, all in all it's been somewhat different and enjoyable to tell the truth.
School started two weeks ago - classes weren't top choices but they are managable and time wise a good balance between freedom and work. Oh yeah 75 percent of my life still has freedom, so uhm.. hehe.. I won't complain as much this semester, hmmm.. I shouldn't complain period.

I didn't realize that I was psycho to take two art history lecture classes - friends from last semester and newly found ones all said the same thing: "EAssh you're psycho to take two boring lecture classes - AT THE SAME TIME". Well it's 3 Art lecture classes to tell the truth and well.. I somewhat enjoy the atmosphere of just loungin and listening to what you want to listen to and look at pictures and slides. One of my classes was chosen by accident, I freakin dialed a wrong code number - but nevertheless it's still an art prereq so I won't complain again. The budget cuts caused smaller classes and dibs for seniors to take the actual art courses so heh, gotta get what you have at the moment. Even outside of my major, GE's hard to get as well.
Socially now.. about that...
Not really the crowd getter or anything of a person who stands out, I managed to befriend some new ladies Corinna and Sara and also some old friends of mines - reunited through the fate of having common classes. HA, the world didn't end last semester: Yuka's still present in the art building, smiles and hellos from each other's common now - that's good enough for me yo. It's one o those ladies that you know you'll never get to know personally but still daydream about possibilities, haha, gives proof of my imagination still ruling me over reality. It's a good getaway but it's not real, so on to new ventures. Being in the last semester's beginning art classes managed me to know some familiar faces so the Art courses that I'm currently taking aren't a drag and it's more relaxed slash comfy.
Seeing that it's only the beginning, I decided to participate or try atleast to get into Rush week. A particular frat's been friendly through out this year. Not really one of the main greek societies, it's a recently created frat, most of them I know from my trip last semester downsouth and from old friends so it wouldn't be a shock to many if I participated.
I can't though. Deadlines in English and the coming days ahead on Art History classes for some reason blocked my way into getting social with them. They've been quite annoying but that's just their way to get people so it's understandable - by the 4th week, everything will die down and well.. everyone will go off with their lives, more detached from the usual college-commute experience. I honestly don't feel that hyped to join such groups anyway - I really don't want to be someone's bitch for a whole phase, it's just about recognition - doesn't suit my style, whatever style I got that is.

I'm somewhat more comfortable in the whole loner quality that everyone goes through, whether they understand it or not, in college. I didn't decide to be in social solitude but that's just how it went and how my interactions caused either a warm path or just a cold front. I go to school, eat there, leave and go home or drive somewhere far from the campus - read or just plainly sleep in my car or in my room.
There's still the envious feeling of the couple syndrome (when you're single you see couples, when you're a couple you see singles) and I can't stop it, fuckin fate or whatever's playin with my life scenario everyday and puts off endless images of couples, shivers.
And as always there's always the negative aspects in college that can't be avoided - too many based on my perspective to count but you know they're present: the people, crowd, certain atmospheres, etc. No point bitching, again, why would you? You know that if you do those things it's basically you being a silent nosy person that's criticizing something. That takes time on your part and it makes you miserable.

My current social interactions with the world, otherwise known as my friends are.. uhm well not suiting me anymore. It's me duuhrr. My current friends that I see most of the time don't really give me anymore feelings of connection to them. I don't know why. (I exempt the people that go beyond sj, so don't worry it's not you, it's the people that call me and chill with me, the brohams). But yeah.. it's just not being friendly on my part to have these detached feeling of unfriendliness er something like that. Was I even a friend to them to begin with? Hmmm...
The bond just died down, I can't help it if something doesn't feel right, and I can't do it in a straightforward way and kill off a connection. The bond just broke, know what though? it's somewhat not as tragic as it seems. Each one of us can manage with ourselves, we got our own friends and sooner or later we'll just be acquaintances rather than friends - rather have that.
Those words right there, that whole paragraph - not one bit negative, it's honesty and the current state of affairs; it's going on as I type and it continues on with either a good outcome or just a simple restart with something or someone new. Detached feeling - sad but true.

I'm blank, wish I was more extroverted - I'm not cynical, oh hell no, I cherish the feeling of being independent, the ladies, the challenge and just the ability to move around - you compare your life to those third world countries or even things close to home like a block or a district close and you realize, shit, this thing's good already - why ask for horrendous crap. I'm still blank though - a nothing at the moment.

Miscellaneous notes: leave me a message, an ode to you, fresco, a simple smile, a relief, departure from the usual and onto another usual.