Independent dependent

Let me make a timeless entry for once. An entry not relating to current relations or time itself as I'm typing this. The information current but not detailed as to present where and when things have occured.

In my current state I see myself as the conventional person, no matter if I age older by one year or whether I go through numerous experiences and events that would probably label me as somewhat extraordinary or out of the blue. But doesn't that in itself say that being out of the ordinary is a common act of self expression? It's probably the self insecurity advocating the negative vibes and such but hey it is also my personal and deep thinking that's also giving me these words of reality. So... I am the conventional person that I see everyday for the past years, the makeup of what a typical person would sum up to in given ages and trends. Something that is...ordinary, no matter how different or unique. Difference and unique, like I said is in itself a pattern of the common interest.
Because of this I feel really down and out in that certain people and probably not me can have that chance to be expressive and truly be a "character", a person that stands out of the crowd. It is only after meeting me personally, through forests of stereotypical assumptions of what I'd be that people tend and say that "hey...you're different from the rest." Would that really hold so much good fortune? I don't know. It'd better to have met my "character" from the start rather than continually know me to the point where one has come to a stop and notice the true nature of myself. It feels really sad. The norm, the common vibe.

Obviously the mind in my body leads me to believe that there's something more out there than being the norm. But what though? I often find myself strapped and often secluded no matter how many "characters" and faces I meet here and there. I'll admit that still being in a location (literally location of place) makes me naive of what's out there but I won't blame this factor as a whole, it is partial yes but it is nonetheless a small factor to my self insecurity and personal issues. I really wanted to branch out and yet still keep the connection of home. But due to certain circumstances, no matter how supporters offer alternatives to leisure and life and how to attain what I look for, I really can't leave the place. The place where memories reside, where I grew up, where I would hopefully leave. I'll admit that yes someday I'll leave the place behind but even so, there will be the guilt but most of all nostalga that'll keep me coming back, no matter how many times I had good and mostly semi bad times. Times that I would admit I placed on myself and times where I couldn't help it and yet I still blame myself for being then and there.

I really wish I'd be somewhere far and in another locale, history and moment. But once again, I'd change if I did or not exist at all like what I am now. I don't know. All I can say is that stemming from being conventional as I see it, I am somewhat very lonesome and lacking something that I know will get somehow, somewhere but in a long journey from now.

kenniving.pitas.com